This blog is written to share my experiences, feelings, and growth that have occurred as a result of becoming a Caregiver for my friend and partner, John D. Swan. He had a massive stroke on February 12, 1991.
There is no terror worse for me than getting that initial Phone Call telling me something had happened to my husband and he was being rushed to the hospital. He had been at a rehearsal with a small group of jazz musicians and collapsed. They were working out the tunes for a new album. I truly don’t even remember who called. It was February 12, 1991, two days before Valentine’s Day. The Phone Call told me it might be a stroke.
All I recall is a numbness setting in to my brain like a dark gray fog. Clarity went out the door for a walk – a walk that has lasted a long time. The clarity that left was that of knowing what my plans were for the future. Up until The Phone Call, my life was that of a professional musician. Each day consisted of a minimum of three hours of practicing my horn, some time writing music, performing, [depending upon what jobs or gigs (as they are called) for which I was hired], and then whatever else was in the date book. As far as I knew at this moment, this was still my life.
My husband, John D. Swan, was a very fine trumpet player. We were living in southern California. I play [French] horn and piano. We’re both composers. We’ve been publishing the music we write for about eight years now, through our own company, Trombacor Music. We also compose whatever music is required for the next gig in the date book.
When The Phone Call came, I was at my part-time job at the retail store. Since John had the car, I borrowed a car from a friend and left work to drive to the hospital, 35 miles away, to be with John.
As I drove, my thoughts were spinning. I remember thinking at one point, this is the end. This phase of our life is over. I sensed it more than knew it. In one extremely brief meme, I was sorry we had not had a child to carry his incredible talent genes to another generation. I tossed out that meme with the bath water quicker than it had appeared. It never returned and I am more than grateful for that now.
During the drive, financial panic set in until I remembered that John now had health insurance. It was a mere ninety days since he had gotten it from my employers. I was immediately grateful and relieved.
The next panic meme was sticking me like a voo-doo pin. How will I pay the rent in sixteen days if John’s income from gigs is gone? What about the child support payments for his adopted son living very far away? Food, gas, phone bills, car insurance? A million pins were sticking me. I was quivering and trying to drive.
I don’t remember the drive, only the voo-doo pins. And the dark gray fog.
The book, "Don't Stop the Music: Finding the Joy in Caregiving" which tells the entire story of the stroke with the Lessons Learned, and Solutions for Caregivers will be published in late 2014.
You can view John's facebook page for the complete chronological story of his life and stroke at:
Please feel free to share these posts with others and reply, with credit given.
2013 Nancy Weckwerth
Two professional musicians, and one--a trumpet-player--felled by a stroke. It seems like the end of the world to me, so I am curious as to how this turns out. My uncle had just begun his second career as a writer when a stroke took away a lot of his language skills. He was a widower, so his caregivers were his daughter,son-in-law and a longtime housekeeper. In their case, each brought a different personality trait into the equation. I was impressed by his slow but almost total recovery--now I'll observe his caregivers more closely.
ReplyDeleteNow that the holidays are over, I stopped by hoping to find something about surviving the holidays! I know it was pretty hard on my Mom when my Dad's Alzheimer's advanced to where he became somewhat unreasonable in his demands. And the holidays were the worst because the routine would constantly be disrupted. Anyway, hope you had good times with John.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely post something about surviving holidays after catastrophic illness. At the moment, I'm just coming up for air after surviving the last one!
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