I settled into the routine of three daily visits to the SNF
on top of my full time job at the retail store. Since my wages were still
ridiculously low, I was actively recruiting new private music students for my
home teaching studio. This paid considerably better. I also approached the
Director at the music conservatory where I taught and requested more work. He
and I came up with a piano ensemble class that I would design. It was great. I
was delighted to be creating something positive for a group of kids that wanted
to learn to become better musicians.
There are ways to find joy in any situation. Sometimes they
land in your lap, and other times you get to make them happen. Notice that I
say “get” to make them happen, not “have” to make them happen. The difference
between three letters and four here is much larger than one letter. It is a
choice of attitude that I was beginning to learn as a result of all of the
stress I was under. I wasn’t fully aware that I was learning that lesson of
choice yet. I was just doing it without awareness at this point.
Looking back on this time now, I realize that I made the
three letter choice as a means of stress relief. I added more
students to my teaching regimen to add to our financial asset creation process, but in doing so, I
relieved personal stress on two layers. One layer was that of the joy of
teaching. It helped me forget about my other issues for ten to twelve hours a week. I was soon teaching 22 students each week in addition to my full time job. The second layer was that the additional earnings were easing my financial burden. Little bit by little bit, I was slowly solving the financial issues and making
it all fit together like a well cut jigsaw puzzle.
The seeds of anger and resentment were growing. I
was not aware of that yet, either. This whole time period from about six to eight weeks
after the stroke to about the two year period after the stroke was about surviving,
solving problems and supporting John. I was drifting through each day like a
leaf being tossed in a wavy sea. I felt like the moment the waves dissipated a
bit so that I could breathe, something else would blow in and roil the surface
waves again. I would be flung against more rocks. The bruises I received from
bouncing off those rocks were slowly hardening into scar tissue. The thicker
the scar tissue, the less I would be bruised. Stressors were starting to bounce
off me and I was turning down a new street named “Fearless Way”.
I was becoming fearless because I was conquering each issue
as it arrived. I developed a stronger skill set. The more issues I conquered,
the more things I scheduled and made work, and the easier it was to add the next
layer of skills and duties. I was beginning to believe in myself, totally. I
did not know that I believed yet, however. The realization of my belief in myself was a gradual awareness that
happened over time.
I added more layers to my role as Caregiver. Pah, I didn’t
even know the name for my role yet. Caregiver…what was that?
How rewarding it is for me, now, to look back and realize
that I made the choice not to play victim or whine about the new direction life
had landed upon me. At the time, I was too busy solving the problems to be
aware at all that I was learning incredible spiritual lessons and growing as a
person.
The book, "Don't Stop
the Music: Finding the Joy in Caregiving" which tells the entire story of
the stroke with the Lessons Learned, and Solutions for Caregivers will be
published in late 2014.
You can view John's facebook
page for the complete chronological story of his life and stroke at:
Please
feel free to share these posts with others and reply, with credit given.
Nancy Weckwerth
What a powerful statement, "How rewarding it is for me, now, to look back and realize that I made the choice not to play victim or whine about the new direction life had landed upon me. At the time, I was too busy solving the problems to be aware at all that I was learning incredible spiritual lessons and growing as a person." Good for you...
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